A Note From My Diary


People push us too hard towards wall and make it necessary for us to change to the extent that we don’t want to. We lost our originality, self-confidence, identity, trust; all because of their splenetic behaviors and then what they see in us is not our true personality. After that we don’t realize what we feel, what we are doing and what we want to do? Sometimes there is so much anger, that we want to give pain to that person who hurt us, sometimes so much upset that we want to go to such place where no one knows us, no one can talk about us, no one can judge us and sometimes extreme depression that life becomes a big question “WHY” why all this happening to us?

Whole life people blame us for the mistakes, even sometimes it’s not our fault. We cry, tears come out from eyes and they think that we are weak, not strong enough to face the difficulties of life. But you know what tears are not the sign of weakness, they show that we have a soft heart and it’s been strong for too long. What’s bad in crying, even when it’s not in our hands, if it is then there is no one who makes us laugh, we don’t value those persons who love us & make us smile. (although it’s a fact that the people who make us laugh, are deeply hurt but no one knows about it)

But the question is that how people do it, how they make us to change and why they do so? They do so by “Diplomacy”. It’s a word which I hate the most. I lived this word, not as a culprit but as a victim. People let make us feel that they’re our well wishers, but actually are not. They pretend that all what they are doing is good for us, but they’re cutting our roots from inside, making our lives difficult for us and they do it all because they don’t want us to go higher or do big things.

So what’s the solution? How we can stop ourselves from being trap, from being change into the fake one personality? How we can stop people to take our controls in their hands? The answer is “We”. Yes, we, our “Own-selves”. It’s all in our hands, it’s all depend on us how much we are getting involve with people, to which extent we are giving our controls to them? Don’t get too much attached with people that they get advantage of your emotions, don’t get so much personal or involved. Only allow those people to get personal who are sincere & honest with you.


I don’t know what happens with you when friends, relatives left you but in my case it’s really very difficult. It was my biggest weakness that I got so much emotionally attached with people, even with the students I taught and when people left me; I spent many days in melancholy as it was very painful. But gradually I realized that it’s not fair, it’s not fair with me. I should stop myself from being trapped. Life is not a bed of roses, I have to fight back, should show those people who are not my friends that I am not weak and you know the weird part is that when I learnt to fight back, they started calling me stubborn, petulant and blah blah. Yes it is weird.

“Still I Rise”

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

But now I am at the point where I don’t care what people think about me because I’m not here to impress anyone, simply living my life. You don’t have to do something to impress people, if you’re good and have happy-go-lucky nature, they will already impress but if you do, you’ll lose yourself. Follow your instincts, don’t give them your controls and always believe in yourself 🙂


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