Nothing so special, my story is as simple as my life. The people who are my inspirations are amazing for me and inspired me in different ways. When I met these people, they got on my nerves (actually they didn’t, it was me who thought like they were out of this world 😛 ) and these disturbing thoughts came in my mind “why I can’t be like them? Why I am doing nothing different except that eating, sleeping & household chores? Why I can’t open up my mind? (although I want to)”.
But now I try to get up from revolting thoughts and let go the things which make me disturbed.
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring;
It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off…
It’s the realization that I can’t control another…
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
And it doesn’t mean I am not inspired anymore, I am. In fact, really thankful to those people, they give me the reason to think & act.
Anyways, I am going to start it from the scratch. I have a habit of reading, when I got course for new classes; I read all books on the very first day. During childhood days I used to read a lot of children’s magazines “Naunehal & Taleem-o-Tarbiyat” (oh gosh I miss those days so much) and my sisters, cousins called me “Bookworm”. After intermediate I start reading novels too which develop a little interest in writing. In examinations I wrote essays & stories all by myself, in my own wordings. After academic period, 7 years ago my first writing was on the topic “Discrimination” which I had written for my cousin. At that time I thought it was nice and could not believe that I had written this. I wish I could share that piece of writing with you but at that time I had no tools for saving any document.
One incident that changed me a little:
I read a novel (didn’t remember the name). I was feeling worst, as the story was moving on. It was like the writer penned down my life in novel. The writer presented a girl’s character in such a way like I was reading about myself; in fact the novel girl’s name was also Ayesha. She followed other’s steps and changed herself totally to get mingled with friends. One day she caught her ears on fellow’s comments, they were making fun of her which made her completely lost. Then one of her loyal friend told her that she was deviant and showed her a right path”.
I was dumbstruck at these words “aberrant, deviant” because a bit similar incident happened to me in university and at that time I couldn’t understand what was happening to me but after reading this story, I realized that I was also aberrant, I am no one, not having my personality and the worst thing was I had no such friend who could take me out from depression phase.
It took a long period to emerge from this situation all alone but the good point is I stopped behaving like a votary after this incident.
This whole thing didn’t change me wholly; just a little because there is a lot more to learn and a lot more to go through.
“I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.
Till my next post, take care. Cheers 🙂